adjective: grateful
1. feeling or showing an appreciation of kindness; thankful.
As the dictionary defines, being grateful is to show appreciation of kindness, which is something we received so much of during our 65 day stay in the Stollery RAH NICU with our son, Connor.
Our journey into the Stollery NICU world was a bumpy one. At 27 weeks gestation, I developed a life-threatening condition called HELLP syndrome that put me into multi-organ failure and meant that in order to save my life, we had to deliver Connor immediately. My thoughts as a mom ranged from confusion: 'I don’t understand...how can anyone deliver a baby that still has three months to grow? How will he even live?' to sheer panic: 'Will I die? Will my baby die instantly? Who will take care of my husband?' I ran the full gamut of emotions.
Within a few short hours of learning of our impending fate, we were rushed to the delivery room where I would be put to sleep under general anesthesia, hoping and praying that I would get the chance to wake up and see and hold him at least once.
Connor was born weighing in at only 2 pounds, requiring a lot of respiratory support, but we could tell right away that he was our little fighter. He had a twin that we had lost at 12 weeks gestation, so it just seemed that he had a fighting spirit; he had already overcome so much.
Our time in the NICU had its share of highs and lows, like every NICU family can probably attest to. One day we would be celebrating the fact that he had gained a few ounces, only to find out a few hours later that he was fighting some sort of rampant infection.
The NICU rollercoaster was something we never bought tickets for, but would endure because what other choice did we have? His journey continued with these highs and lows but ultimately followed a fairly consistent path of learning to breathe on his own, get bigger and stronger and learning to eat, so we could take him home.
The support of the amazing care team was something that helped us get through some of the most tumultuous times. People ask me often about what staff did to really make a difference. I am always happy to share that it's often not the big things that families remember - it's all the little things (that definitely add up to big things!). We don't need grandiose gestures from nurses, but rather something like a warm blanket during your third hour of kangaroo care, or a kind hand on your shoulder during a moment that is just too overwhelming.
While I was still in the hospital postpartum unit, my window faced a door that all families would walk out through, taking their precious new babies in their brand new car seats. I would lay there and cry, wanting so badly to be in the same position.
Luckily, 65 days later we were able to walk out those very doors with our precious baby who had taught us more about strength, endurance and love in his 65 day NICU journey, then we might have ever learned otherwise. Connor’s courage also taught us to be brave, and despite many fears of trying again, our family was completed two years later when we had another precious baby boy named Bentley, born full term.
Connor is 9 years old now and is doing fantastic. He is among the top in his class academically, and while the first few years post NICU brought some challenges with his speech development and respiratory illnesses, (especially during influenza season!) we have been fortunate to not have many long term effects of his premature birth. We are truly blessed.
I always say that having Connor early was the scariest thing we’ve faced, but it just means we got to love him that much longer and get an early glimpse of the amazing young man he is now.
Sarah Topilko – Connor's mom
